So it has been a year since my last post. Stellar performance on my part huh? I would like to think that doesn’t truly reflect my performance as a father. Good thing there are other benchmarks other than the number of times I post a message on a webpage that you are far too young to read. Clearly not a true representation of the times I think out you and who and how  you will be in 3 years, 7 years, 11 years, 17 years and so on.  I will tell that in the last year, despite what others may joke about, I have spent far too many days away from you and your brother. It is difficult each time, but I hope I make up for those days once I return and share the times that we have with one another. A lot of people I know my age, resent one of their parents for the amount of time they spent away from home. I hope it never comes to that with us as I work to find a balance between being a provider and a present father.

We have so much fun together you and I.

I don’t know how I was fortunate enough to be blessed to have you, your brother and you mom in my life. It hasn’t and won’t always be easy but it has already been an adventure full of excitement, laugher, and most importantly, love. If at any point you ever wonder if you made an impact in someone’s life, I hope you’ll think of your mom and I.  Your mom and I often look at each other at night, watchin you and your brother playing or sleeping and say to one another, ‘how in the world did the two us manage this’ and the bottom line is we didn’t manage anything. God blessed us with the two of you, making each of you special in your own right and uniqueness.  You and your brother filled a void in our lives and in our marriage that we didn’t even know existed. That will be hard for you to comprehend, but read that one more time. You and your bother filled a void in our lives and in our marriage that we didn’t even know existed.  You might wonder what the void was, well it was the innocence of youth. To me that means the innocence of love with out conditions, the humbling of pride that comes from doing those things that only make sense to parents, i.e., wiping poop out from under your fingernails ’cause you didn’t take your time and didn’t have a big enough wipe, or sharing a spoon full of cereal just before bed time, ’cause you say it like you haven’t eaten in days, or my personal favorite, when you ask how much money have I made for the amount of time I was gone for the day. It means being accountable to someone that depends on you for everything, physically, emotionally, financially and just about every other ‘ally’ you can think of. It means wherever you are  (wherever there is) be there. Don’ be distracted buy all the other noise of life. Be watchful for and keep close the moments that get etched into your memory of the innocence of youth.

So…what has happened in the last year…..well for starters your brother is already eating us out of house and home….at 18 months. The boy eats just about every meal as if it is his first and his last. You on the other hand, eat like it has already gone out style and is completely over rated. It’s like you think the earth is only capable of producing three major food items and those three consumables are enough to sustain a health diet. By the way these, three things are cinnamon toast, mac and cheese, and fruit pouches. Should I mention even the fruit pouches are hit and miss? Levi on the other hand, I have to knock the crushed pecan shells out of his hand and mouth to keep him from eating them. Crazy, funny, but crazy the differences between the two you. You are 29 pounds, dripping wet with a towel at 3 years while he is 31 pounds at 18 months even after a heavy BM, pants look like shorts on him, the two of you can share the same clothes size comfortably, to the point that your clothes often get mixed up with one another, you like neat and orderly, he likes to make a mess and doesn’t sweat it.

Thinking about the two you just now just makes me miss you even more.

So what am I getting at? What I am getting is that you are both different people that life, circumstance and experiences will shape differently, however, the point I really want to make is despite these differences, you are family, you share so much of the same ‘stuff’ and its that ‘stuff’ that I hope the two of you remember. You have two uncles, my two brother and we didn’t see eye on much when we were younger and there were plenty of arguments, shoves, punches and verbal assaults thrown at each other, but deep down we knew and still know that no matter what, if the other calls we will be there. I won’t lie to you and tell you that your bother won’t ever let you down, upset you, hold a grudge, or that you will do the same, but what I am telling you is that if you demonstrate to him that you love him, look out for him, listen to him, try to understand him, support him and encourage him, he will do the same and no matter who is standing with you, you won’t have to ask when times are tough, when you need help, an ear, or hand. It will just be there. I have no idea when you will read this, but this will be one of those lessons I drill home to the both of through out your childhood, teens and through adulthood because you can’t hear it enough.

One day, when you are both old enough, I will tell you about two other great men in my life, my brothers, because they deserve more than just a post.

I love you Ava…be sure to love your brother.