Change – to become different, to become altered or modified.

It has been 9 months since my last post, about 7-8 months too long. There has been so much happen in this amount of time and is why I chose the theme of this post to be change. It is the summer of 2015 and it marked a year of countless changes.  First and foremost you turned a year old. It is hard to believe the changes you have gone through is this blimp of a moment. You learned to walk which is nothing short of a miracle seeing it happen first hand. I can’t wait until you are old enough for me to show you the video. You spent months climbing up to the couch, smiling so big each time as if you conquered the world. You we so eager to get on the move and to keep up, but you were smart enough to know at that time the only way to do so was to crawl or be carried, often choosing the latter. I can’t blame you, I never minded, and still don’t. Then in a matter of days you went from flopping to walking, without skipping a beat, picking up everything you could get your hands on regardless of how much heavier, taller, or wider it was than you. It didn’t take long for you to pick up speed and fast forward several months and you are excited to chase and be chased. You are such a joy to have in our lives and we have already shared so many laughs with each other. We have watched you change mentally as well, still watching intently, observing and then imitating what you have seen. You are smart girl and if I don’t teach you well, that may get the best of both of us. You are such a sweet little girl and one thing that hasn’t changed is the time that I spend with you each night, putting you to sleep. To extend that time with you, I have taken on giving you a bath on more and more occasions. By the way, you have the most perplexed, annoyed and disgusted look on your face when you have wet hair wrapped around your hand. You would think it was toxic the way you study it and borderline panic to get it off. The time I spend with you reminds me of my responsibility to you, to love you, to care deeply for you, to provide for you, to teach you, and to guide you. I won’t always be there every night but I know that the nights I am will far out number the nights I won’t. There is something truly peaceful and calming about watching your child fall asleep to Amazing Grace.

In addition to seeing you change, your mom and I, through God’s doing, made some changes that allows us to take the next steps in our life. We sold the house you were brought home in. Don’t worry, we have plenty of pictures to show you of your first home and I am sure we will drive by from time to time. It wasn’t something that we had planned to do just yet but we felt the conditions were right and we were ready for the next stage. It was quick and stressful, preparing a home to be sold, the listing, offer, inspection, finding a new home that we would be happy having you spend the next couple of years in. God has taken care of us and we put our trust in him each day to provide what we need and when we need it. Sometimes it is not on our time table and that can be frustrating but as you go through life I hope I teach you enough to know that he knows better. At the beginning we had no idea how long it would take and where we would live, but in a matter of 30 days you were sleeping and soundly, in a different room, in a different neighborhood, in a different part of town.

In the next coming months you’ll begin to see changes in your mom. She will begin going through similar, if not the same changes that lead up to when you were born. You don’t know it yet, your mom thinks you can sense it already, but you are going to have a sibling. Some one you can play with, teach, and as your uncle would tell you, boss around. It will be challenging for us all and we’ll have to adapt to a new routine in just about every aspect of our daily lives. This will be another test for us in how we handle change. That’s the thing about Change, it happens for many different reasons, some voluntary and some not so voluntary. Some good, some bad. Some expected and some will take you by surprise. There are all kinds of cliches, songs and books about change and how to handle them, how to  initiate change, how to stop change, how to avoid change, what to change for and what not to change for, and so on and so forth. What is an undeniable fact is that as you go through life you will change, people change, and your environment will change. Some of these changes will be dramatic and very noticeable while others will be progressive, slight and hard to even recognize. While this post could go on for what seems like forever,  I will try and keep it short and to the point. I am sure there will be many discussions about the various changes you’ll experience in your life, discussions that will be face to face and not something you read, which I am hopeful you will always get a sense for the personal touch that I try to communicate through these thoughts of mine for you, even though I am not verbally delivering the message to you. I hope you look back at these when you are older and more than anything, come to realize, whether you have agreed with anything I have said or not, is that I love you and want so much for you. I have this deep emotion of caring for you, of not wanting to fail you……hard to explain and find the words. Before this spills into another post, back to why I decided to title this change. Life is going to demand that you change at some point. You’ll eventually find yourself at an intersection, and sometimes you won’t even know it, that you’ll have to make a decision about who you are, who you are becoming and who you want to be. We’ll talk about the other types of changes later but this one, I wanted to be the first. The change that is specific to you and who you are. It will take a while for you to figure it out, and that’s OK. And when you do figure it out, know that it is OK to change, but make sure it is for the right reasons and, above all, a change that makes you a better person. Change or the people you love and care about and not for the ones that can reciprocate that love to you. Society will tell you ‘be who your are, and nothing less’ or ‘ accept me for the way I am’ and I guess what I hope I am getting across is that you should be more than who you are, be open to identifying traits about yourself that need changing in order to be a better, more loving person to those you care about and those that care about you. Segments of society will attempt to teach you that there is nothing wrong with prideful, selfish thinking that is disguised as acceptance.

It is a fine line you’ll have to walk, but rely on God’s direction and you’ll know what to change for and for who. Just be ready and willing when the time or opportunity presents itself.

I love you Ava.